*
As good a time as any for taking stock.
*
First, my gratitude for this abundant life. And central to that, for me, is the woman on the verge. I am absurdly blessed to have had any time at all with her, and she’s given me more than twenty years so far.
A strong mind in a strong body. That’s nothing to sneeze at. Hard work to do that I am good at.
Lots of problems to work out. Lots of shortcomings to chew on.
A family full of lunatics who all love each other.
Good food. Art. Dogs.
The universe which is trying to seduce me into loving it.
The fact of my impending death, without which none of this would really matter.
*
This year I learned a lot about letting go. And behold, it was good.
You know that one of my favorite images is that of the monkey riding on the back of a tiger, used as a metaphor for how the conscious mind interprets the input of the senses and the unconscious. The tiger is the unconscious and the raw input of the sensory apparatus, and the monkey is the conscious mind. The tiger is running this way and that, and the monkey is perched on his back, holding a toy steering wheel in his hands, pretending to steer.
Oh, and the monkey is facing backwards.
It seems an apt metaphor.
At any rate, this year I’ve learned to let go of the steering wheel and just kind of enjoy the ride. I’m a guy who has put a lot of energy into grabbing hard onto the wheel and turning it with all my might, certain that if I steered hard enough and with enough skill I could keep from driving off a cliff or smashing into a tree.
But that’s illusory.
It’s ill, and it’s for losers.
*
You’re going to hit the tree, dude.
Might as well sip a martini and just kind of hold the wheel in one hand, like Bond would do, looking all suave and unconcerned.
*
The other bit of philosophical wisdom I got via Jim Halpert.
Jim says that one of his hard and fast rules is that whenever Dwight asks him if he will join in on one of his crazy conspiracies, his response is always the same:
“Absolutely, I will.”
I just replace Dwight with “The Universe” and follow Jim’s lead.
*
So, letting go, and saying “yes.”
Those are the lessons for 2011, children.
*
Namaste.
***
The Dishwasher's Tears 
A friend of mine recently said to me “You know, your life (and writing) is all about appreciating the present and then letting it go.” What else is there???
Happy New Year
Kathleen-
Well, I’d say you’re right about that. And thank you for coming by. KIndred spirits are rare indeed.
I learned that the unexpected is pretty much all there is and that if I cut my hair or anyone else in the world cuts my hair it is going to sproing back into the same insane mess it started at as soon as I leave the barber. There has to be some deep truth in that.
Love to you and Yolanda and your daughter and her amazing son.
Rebecca
Rebecca-
My wife is after me to cut her hair. I won’t say what might happen, but it will be epic.
The unexpected is all there is? Maybe half of it.
I am so goddamn astounded that everyone in the world is not just gobsmacked by how fucking strange our universe, our world, our lives, our brains, our hearts really are.
I know you know this.
Happy New Year, you freak of freaks.
We all love you, you know.
yrs-
Scott
i like this.
Dottie Bones-
I like that we are friends.
I seriously do.
I have a lot of doubts about the world, but I am certain you are one of the few good ones.
Namaste.
yrs-
Scott
There’s nothing new under the sun.
Happy New Year to you and yours.
Elizabeth-
But there’s a lot that seems new to us. We keep thinking we’re on our first trip around.
I am so damn proud of you, I really am.
I hope the universe gets even more jiggy with you.
love-
Scott
This post made me smile a great big smile, and think of the things I’m grateful for.
I love the monkey steering the tiger, it’s very funny. My book said the unquiet mind is the monkey jumping about, the calm mind is the deliberate and purposeful elephant and harmony is the monkey riding the elephant, so I’m going to add the steering wheel for my own amusement. And face my monkey backward.
Happy New Year, my friend. Let’s hope we all find a way to enjoy the ride and look cool while we do.
xo
Mel-
You definitely look cool while you’re doing it. I have a big, big respect for the life you’ve crafted and the beautiful family you’ve surrounded yourself with.
You make the world a brighter place, just by being yourself.
And you light this space up as well.
Happy New Year!
yrs-
Scott
I never really “see” things as they are.
For instance, I thought the fox was a bear cub.
And the eggs? I didn’t see the eggs at all because I was so entangled in her pretzeled arms.
Makes me wonder about my tiger and monkey.
Who’s driving who?
Why can’t I see anything as it is?
For that matter, why can’t I hear lyrics to songs?
As for letting go, brother, you have to. Because you can’t hold on to any of it, no matter how hard you try.
May your new year be filled with whatever it is you want it to be filled with. Life, joy, everything, nothing.
Bliss and continued transcendence to you, friend.
(Thanks for letting me come along for the ride.)
Laurel-
I always learn something from how the world appears to you.
You are a stone warrior, sister. You wield an axe that cuts through bullshit in any form.
What I’d wish for you is for you to have as much faith in your self as we all do in you.
You are one who can move the whole of the world.
namaste, sis.
yrs-
Scott
I almost cried last night when I read this. Almost.
(My parents raised me to be not to be a crybaby. Okay, my parents raised me not to cry.)
Still, I wavered mightily when I read this.
Am I that transparent? Or you just know me really well?
Because that has been my life long problem. Lack of faith. In myself.
Your words bolster me, brother. I am in search of that faith this year. I am hoping to find it.
Thanks for telling me I can move the whole world. I promise, someday, I’ll try.
Someday, I’ll try to believe I actually can.
Laurel-
I think I know you, at least that aspect of you, pretty well.
I think you’ll find a way to believe a little bit more every year.
And don’t worry about trying, it will happen all on its own.
yrs-
Scott
Substituting “the universe” for “Dwight” made me cry for its perfect wisdom.
Sitting here on the last day of a year from hell, anticipating something better. Realizing the “something better” is where I am right now.
Thank you for being in the universe and a vital part of its crazy conspiracy.
xo (and all that HNY stuff [happy new year])
T. Clear-
I have to hand it to you, warrior woman. You are on the front lines right now, in the deep trenches, with mustard gas and bombs and bayonets and the ugliness of loss all around you.
And yet. And yet.
You persevere. You yet love. You make art and throw your arms around the world, exactly as it is.
You eat good food. You sleep through the night.
I feel so connected to you, improbable as it is to do so.
Happy New Year.
This universe that will rip you limb from limb still loves you.
ha.
yrs-
scott
these are good lessons. as i steer like crazy in the void, i am working on taking them to heart. love to you, dear scott.
If there is a bigger, grander heart in this world I cannot name it.
I am so proud to man the oars in the same sinking ship with you.
I hope we can share a long drink and a walk sometime.
Happy New Year!
yrs-
scott
Somehow I find myself right now at a place where all of everything in me wells up so strongly that I confuse it with reality and if I am not that monkey on a tiger, I am the tiny fish who thinks she can protect her square inch of coral in the entire sea.
Happy New Year, Dishwasher. You and your loves make my life richer. Like the blue dots of electric blue on that tiny black fish.
That place must be Mexico.
And that electric blue fish. I used to teach scuba when I lived on Maui, and being underwater, being always in or on the water, is what I miss about that place.
I am a child of the sea, of that there is no doubt.
Have fun, it looks like you are all having a blast.
yrs-
scott
It looks like that tiger is standing on a set of barbells. I wonder what that means. I love this image.
Happy New year Scott, you sharpshooting, chef-poet-philosopher-grampa-artist-husband-father-wildman-friend,
You and Yolie talking into the night in that white bed. Ahhhh. I’m sure you know how rare and precious that is.
love to you
Deirdre
It seems like the rare and precious is strewn all around us sometimes. You just have to pick it up out of the bloody mess and horror.
There’s nowhere else I’d rather be than right here in the thick of it.
love to you and your man and your whole fam damily.
yrs-
Scott
Amen. And Happy New Year.
Amen indeed.
and to you and yours.
Okay, this one actually made me cry.
In the best possible way.
Oh, how I love to read your words and contemplate your photographs. Don’t ever leave again.
Happy New Year.
Well, it’s sweet of you to say all that. Nice way to start the year.
Hope it’s a good one for you and all of us.
yrs-
Scott
Yes. Say yes.