• About

The Dishwasher's Tears

~ how do we reconcile the beauty with the horror?

The Dishwasher's Tears

Monthly Archives: July 2009

Warface

18 Saturday Jul 2009

Posted by tearfuldishwasher in Uncategorized

≈ 4 Comments

*

So I have got my teeth into something at work. It is an old unsolved murder, not that old, not that unsolved. All this past week I have been living with it, spread out all over my desk, on the printer cabinet, the other chair, the floor. And I am a neat guy. I don’t let shit pile up or stay that way, but at this stage I have to see all of it. I got the autopsy photos, the crime scene photos, recorded interviews, a million neighborhood canvas reports, toxicology results, property sheets, search warrant affidavits, dead end lead sheets, person pages, what have you.

I am happier than a pig in shit.

I keep asking myself, “Am I the only one who sees this?”

I’m not.

Not by a long shot.

For some reason this one fell through the cracks.

*

I aim to fish it back out.

***

*

I made lasagne for dinner.
I even made the noodles.

*

I am going to have a delicious beverage now.

*

Mine Rescue

18 Saturday Jul 2009

Posted by tearfuldishwasher in Uncategorized

≈ 1 Comment

*

In pitchdark water tastes sweet.

The men feel their swollen tongues
unfurl like golden flowers
in their blind mouths.

The sounds
of their breathing

the only sound.

How their eyes glide like mad in their sockets!
How their hearts beat in their chests!

“Let me out! Let me out!” They seem to say.

They pat each other’s legs, squeeze someone’s hand, shift
against the wall to find
a more comfortable position.

One mile above them
women keen in the sunshine. Salt-tinged air
lifts a strand of hair, the edge of a skirt.
Soot-colored birds watch from the branches
of nearby trees.

One swoops down
pecks at a woman’s shoe,
hops back when she kicks at it.

The men write their last love letters
on the leg bones of the dead, sing “Gresford”
in low voices.

They dream of blind fish in silent caves,
can’t tell sleep from waking.

*

A Taste of Something Fine

12 Sunday Jul 2009

Posted by tearfuldishwasher in Uncategorized

≈ 2 Comments

*

Today is Sunday routine:

Coffee and reading and breakfast.
Walk Lucy on the east-west ranch.
Wash Lucy in the bathtub.
Clean the bathtub, wash the dog towels, wash Lucy’s bed.
Clean the house until it sparkles.
Eat lunch in the garden or take it to the beach.
Go for a bike ride.
Take a shower and have a delicious beverage on the deck.
Read in the hammock.
Do yoga and nap in the lair.
Have another delicious beverage.
Cook something dead good for dinner.
Eat dinner in the backyard or on the deck or inside if it’s cool already.
Watch a netflix movie and eat dessert.
Read in bed.
Get sleepy and turn out the light.
This part’s private.
Fall asleep.
Dream.
Turn in tandem. Reach for each other.
Listen to the night sounds and fall asleep again.

*

Repeat as often as possible.

*

If there is a deeper happiness I don’t know that I could stand it.

****

disassembly of the mechanisms is tantamount to murder

11 Saturday Jul 2009

Posted by tearfuldishwasher in Uncategorized

≈ 2 Comments

*

And I am a killing machine.

***

What astounds me is that anyone can believe anything at all about what goes on around beyond the range of our sensory apparatus. Or not that they can believe what goes on, but they can believe one of the many explanations for what lies out there, unseen and unknowable.

Sure, I feel, I believe, that there is more out there than we can apprehend. More than meets the eye. Granted.

But how do you take one of the many explanations and say, well, that’s right. That’s what I believe.

I don’t possess the machinery of belief, I suppose.

*

Plus, I am convinced that doubt is essential.

At least, I think it is.

*

We are trapped in the small box of consciousness, which is a tiny, tiny box floating around on top of the vast sea of our unconscious mind, which is itself locked in the miniscule bone vault of our tiny skulls. Three pounds of meat in a bone bowl that wanders around in tiny circles for sixty or eighty or twenty-four years, usually in one or a small handful of cities in one country of one continent on one hemisphere of an insignificant blue world in the tall weeds at the edge of a middling small galaxy in a endlessly vast sea of billions and billions of bigger and more centrally located and better connected galaxies.

Try to convince my small box of consciousness that it’s insignificant, though, and see where that gets you.

I mean, what could be more important than me?

*

That’s what I thought.

*

Despite it all, I persist in my struggles. I throw myself headlong into love and expect it to catch me rather than fling me off into the abyss. I chase the dream of perfection. I abandon it again.

I drink too much.

I work too much.

I goof off too much.

I judge others.

I judge myself.

I compare.

I long for.

I disdain.

I compromise.

I refuse to budge.

I am stingy.

Profligate.

***

There is a reason I have a human body. I mean to explore it. I mean to wear it out. I mean to get my moneys worth. I’m going to die of something by God.

*

Here’s to you, friend. Have a cold one on me.

Namaste.

***

Fixing What’s Wrong With Her

05 Sunday Jul 2009

Posted by tearfuldishwasher in Uncategorized

≈ 4 Comments

*

Where she is it is never silent.
She holds her book up to the window
to read when the lights go out.

By moonlight. By starlight.

It’s not sufficient to her needs;
she strains to make out the words.

*

Blogroll

  • 37Paddington
  • A Clear and Empty Mind
  • Bodhi Path San Luis Obispo
  • elizabeth
  • INFJ
  • Instagram
  • Judy Wise
  • laurel
  • letting go
  • Marie Dodd
  • ms. moon
  • Pasadena Bodhi Seeds
  • planting along the verge
  • Premium T
  • purely subjective
  • rebecca
  • Wonder, Silence, Gratitude
  • yolie's tumblr

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 98 other followers

Recent Posts

  • Sunrise Ehrenberg
  • Lars and The Real Girl and the Nature of Mind
  • Glory of the mundane world
  • go easy
  • my ugly

Archives

  • January 2017
  • December 2016
  • November 2016
  • October 2016
  • September 2016
  • April 2016
  • March 2016
  • January 2016
  • December 2015
  • November 2015
  • October 2015
  • September 2015
  • August 2015
  • July 2015
  • June 2015
  • May 2015
  • April 2015
  • March 2015
  • February 2015
  • January 2015
  • December 2014
  • November 2014
  • October 2014
  • September 2014
  • August 2014
  • July 2014
  • June 2014
  • May 2014
  • April 2014
  • March 2014
  • October 2012
  • September 2012
  • August 2012
  • June 2012
  • April 2012
  • March 2012
  • February 2012
  • January 2012
  • December 2011
  • November 2011
  • October 2011
  • September 2011
  • August 2011
  • July 2011
  • June 2011
  • May 2011
  • April 2011
  • March 2011
  • February 2011
  • January 2011
  • December 2010
  • November 2010
  • October 2010
  • September 2010
  • August 2010
  • July 2010
  • June 2010
  • May 2010
  • April 2010
  • March 2010
  • February 2010
  • January 2010
  • December 2009
  • November 2009
  • October 2009
  • September 2009
  • August 2009
  • July 2009
  • June 2009
  • March 2009
  • February 2009
  • January 2009
  • December 2008
  • November 2008
  • October 2008
  • September 2008
  • August 2008
  • July 2008
  • June 2008
  • May 2008
  • April 2008
  • March 2008
  • February 2008
  • January 2008
  • December 2007
  • November 2007
  • October 2007
  • September 2007
  • August 2007
  • July 2007
  • June 2007
  • May 2007
  • April 2007
  • March 2007
  • February 2007
  • November 2006
  • October 2006
  • September 2006
  • August 2006
  • July 2006
  • May 2006
  • April 2006
  • March 2006
  • February 2006
  • January 2006
  • December 2005
  • November 2005
  • October 2005
  • September 2005
  • August 2005
  • July 2005
  • June 2005

Categories

  • Uncategorized

Blog at WordPress.com.

Privacy & Cookies: This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this website, you agree to their use.
To find out more, including how to control cookies, see here: Cookie Policy
  • Follow Following
    • The Dishwasher's Tears
    • Join 98 other followers
    • Already have a WordPress.com account? Log in now.
    • The Dishwasher's Tears
    • Customize
    • Follow Following
    • Sign up
    • Log in
    • Report this content
    • View site in Reader
    • Manage subscriptions
    • Collapse this bar