*
I watch a lot of movies about crimes.
I read about them.
*
I study them up.
*
I was thinking about Dierdre killing her first deer. I was thinking about the animals I’ve put down, those unknown to me and those much closer.
I was thinking about the dead folks I have seen, laid out in their slaughter before me.
I was thinking about them I have had in the box, getting them to tell me why.
*
I was thinking about my own terrible failures.
About all the ways I have done it up wrong.
*
I was thinking about rage and redemption. About loss and blindness and error and wrong.
How it is not foreign to us.
*
I sometimes I mostly feel that I am at the helm of a great wrong, mowing through the innocent of this world. Mowing down the inept and the broken, driving them against the rocks.
I feel I am doing it for the even more innocent.
*
And what comfort can there be in such an endeavor?
*
Cold comfort, if at all.
*
I am at the helm of a terrible machine.
Nor would I quit it.
*
Here come the rocks.
*
Namaste.
***
Ms. Moon said:
I read an article today in the Esquire Magazine about the cops who had to shoot all those animals who escaped in Ohio and those animals were innocent of anything except for their hungry, violent natures. And yet- they had to be shot. Because of those natures. Lions and tigers and bears are no joke and they cannot be allowed to roam free where people live and have no experience with them.
And those cops still feel so bad. They are haunted by what they had to do and what they so bravely did.
I see a parallel here.
That’s what I’m seeing. That’s what I’m saying.
tearfuldishwasher said:
Yep.
I couldn’t even read that article.
I seen a picture of what, and I just kept on going.
you can’t ship on every little thing. you’ll go under is what.
yrs-
Scott
mia said:
You snuck this one in on me…
Sigh. I often wonder how years of seeing brutal crime scenes effects the people who’s job it is to do it. I know TV and movies are normally shit. I know enough about how law works to even think that any of that stuff is remotely true. I guess there may be some movies that aren’t. The one’s that I knew were more real, like The Wire and Oz, I couldn’t get through.
I’m glad that there is someone out there that remembers them. Hopefully the art and the words and the cooking and the love help keep things where they need to be.
xo pf
tearfuldishwasher said:
Yeah, don’t get the wrong idea about me. I don’t wade through the shit every single day. It is more intermittent for me. One of the benefits of living in the idyllic place I do.
And I have a thirst for the bad stuff. I don’t know if it makes me a better cop or not, I tell myself it does. But I don’t know. I used to work with a murder cop, he couldn’t stand blood. Wouldn’t go to autopsies, didn’t like dead bodies, got nauseated around that smell of blood and rot. But he were a pretty good cop and he put a lot of tough cases down in his time.
For me, the horror and the art and the love and the cooking are all intertwined. I crave it all, i just whine about it, too.
anyhoo.
thanks.
Scott
MaryDE said:
My comfort is often as cold or as warm as I want it to be.
If I think about crimes too much I come up with the crime of existing.
tearfuldishwasher said:
I suppose that’s true of all of us. Heck, I don’t know.
anyway, thanks for coming by and saying what’s on your mind.
welcome.
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