*

Never very good, I’m at my worst without her.

I miss her bad already.

*

Plans:

take the dog for long walks.

take myself for even longer walks.

read more Alvaro Mutis.

wash the floors.

 

eat my liver.

pace.

 

go for another walk.

*

I really am grateful for this stupid life. I got more than most folks, certainly more than I deserve. I don’t want for anything. Okay, I got this idea for a house I want to build, overlooking the sea, with woods and hills behind it, three miles down a dirt road.

But that’s just a wish, not anything I really need.

what I need is to keep my eyes open and to listen to the people close to me so I can love them the way they ought to be loved. So I can give them, not what I think they need, or what I think I need, but what they actually say they need.

 

and I need to take myself out back and kick my ass.

 

I need to be a good friend to myself.

 

*

 

ah, me.

 

*

 

more gnawing the bones, more pacing ahead.

 

 

*

 

 

gggggrrrrrr.

 

 

*

 

namaste.

 

 

***

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