*

I feel like Dante before Virgil showed up. Lost in the woods, assailed by three beasts.

Unable to find the straight way.

*

I can’t stop gnawing on the bone of the world. I want to understand deep time and deep space. I want to stand on the shore of some ancient ocean and watch a band of early hominids gathered around a fire, tearing at the flesh of some great creature they have just killed. I want to see their dance and hear their victory songs. I want to watch dinosaurs roaming through a dark and unfamiliar wood.

Given the rarest gift, of life and intelligence and curiosity and wonder, I yet want more. A time machine, a spaceship, a jetpack, a submarine, and a team of scientists to explain things to me.

It’s okay to want these things. It’s in our nature. Desire. Greed for life. Even lichen wants to live, clinging to some hunk of granite, high on some cold, barren mountainside, nothing to do, nowhere to go, no one to talk to.

Life wants to exist.

The key for me is to see all of the wild and forever lost past in the present world, and to see the seeds of the future there, too. Just like we are rolling along in the weeds at the far edge of the milky way, we are also at the very center of an infinite universe. In any infinite scale you are always at the very center, no matter where you find yourself. And if time and space are infinite, then this is true for us, right here, right now. And as much wonder and glory and strangeness that I’ll never get to see in our planet’s past, there’s just as much coming that I’ll miss, too.

But there’s just as much wonder and glory and strangeness going on right this second, right smack dab where I am now, where you are.

There hasn’t ever been anything or anywhere more strange or exicting or wonderful than this exact place and time.

I keep forgetting this and have to learn it again and again.

I am a poor student.

*

weekend plans:

long walks with the dog, the wife, and the kaleb guy. or short ones, depending.

dinner at a fancypants Italian joint tonight on a hundred dollar gift certificate so woot.

maybe I can cook something good for Sunday supper.

I’d like to find Annals of The Former World at the smut bookstore and maybe I will.

cultivate gratitude and acceptance and keep my eyes open for everyday miracles.

try, try, try to really see the human beans around me.

*

Namaste.

***