The Falcon Cannot Hear The Falconer

 

 

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Our ecstatic dance is beautiful to behold.

 

 

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I wrote the last post and I confess that since then I’ve really wanted to take it down.

 

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Yesterday my brother was awarded the Medal of Valor for his actions in a SWAT callout last year. He is my all-time hero.

 

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Today we’re having a family get-together. My sister is going to meet my dad for the first time. My mom and dad gave her up for adoption when mom got pregnant with her at sixteen. Three years later I came along, but I never knew about my sister until a few years ago when my mom told us about her. I’ve visited her twice since then and all I can say is I’m happy to have my sister in my life and I love her like she’s always been there. My dad is a little nervous and uncertain about this meeting, but he’s throwing the party and putting on a big feed for us all in honor of the event. I know Janie must be freaking out, too.

I hope it goes well and they make a good connection. I hope that all can be forgiven.

I have a weird thing going with sisters. When I was a kid it was just me and my brother. Now I have four sisters! One that I never knew about, two step-sisters that came when my mom remarried, and a sister that my mom and stepfather adopted when they lived in Korea. I’m blessed with an ever-growing circle of amazing women in my life and in my family.

It’s taught me that family is a totally arbitrary box to put people in. One minute they can be a stranger, the next they can be your loved one. Really the only thing that’s keeping every single human on the planet from being your loved one is your own mind.

I’ve committed to letting everyone in. I may not know you yet, but you are my brother. You are my sister. You are my dearest loved one.

I mean it.

 

Get over here for a hug, you big lug.

 

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In the comments of my last post someone wrote in and dressed me down for my selfish and unforgivable actions. They did this with a big heart, thoughtfully, and carefully, but they really let me have it. I don’t think they are wrong, either.

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My wife crashed on her mountain bike last week. She’s all fucked up, bruised and scraped and banged up. She’s a trooper about it. But it breaks my heart to see her in pain. I wish it had been me that crashed.

But it makes me happy to take care of her.

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I miss all you guys. I feel bad about not holding up my end. but that’s how I am.

 

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We got to see the boys. They’re living with their other Grandma and she’s giving them a beautiful time. They were so happy and relaxed and it was easy to feel the love there.

There isn’t a way to think about those boys that doesn’t come with a knife right in the heart. That’s how it is.

My wife is going out to the jail to pick up our daughter. She’s being released to a residential drug treatment facility and is going to start the long process of recovery again. And she’s going to start working with CPS on earning the right to get her children back. I’ll be praying for her day and night. I hope you’ll pray for her, too. For all of us.

 

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I’m going to be dead soon. I’m glad I’m alive right now. I hope I get the chance to be of service to the world. I hope I get all used up by it. I don’t need to keep nothing for myself, I’ve been given the whole damn universe.

 

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Namaste.

 

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