anza

***

I’ve been getting lots of sun, and lots of rest.

Days, I dive by the wreck.

Nights, I sleep in the blue lagoon.

Always wondered who I’d bring

to a desert island.

And if you ever get this letter,

thinking of you…

Blue Lagoon

Laurie Anderson

 

 

 

***

 

We’ve been here five days now and it feels like we’ve just begun to land. We both feel a nascent sense of opening, like a seed pod that’s been dormant for dozens of years finally getting the warmth and moisture it needs to start its big transformation.

It’s a physical sensation, this opening.

The vastness and silence of the desert, coupled with our own silence and solitude, makes for a perfect alchemical cauldron for spiritual transformation. I am afraid that if you found me too la-la and woo-woo before you won’t much like where I’m headed now.

zissou

“anyone who is not against me, don’t cross this line. if yes, then do.”

Steve Zissou

 

I’m headed for open water, dudes. If there is a mystic within me, I aim to release him. I wander the desert alone or with my wife hours on end. I sit meditation under the wheeling stars, in the cold dirt as the sun rises, as I walk I pray and meditate and then let go of everything and simply let the vastness of what is blow through me unimpeded. My dreams speak to me and transport me to the various realms and return me to this one. Practice makes me long for prayer, prayer makes me long for practice. My mind is crowded with saints and seers and mystics. It would be a lie to say they’re egging me on, or encouraging me, or acknowledging me in anyway. It’s just that they are present. My teachers are constant companions, and they do speak to me. Or rather, I know their words and gestures and I imagine I know just what each of them would say or do in a certain situation. At any rate, my mind is crowded. And alone.

I have no sartoris to announce. I have not gone beyond. I am simply here, and filled with longing and contentment together. A deep sadness and joy intermingled. Diligent and earnest practice is followed by simple talk and good food and letting things be as they are.

My deep joy is that I may spend myself in this manner.

 

***

 

As a lifelong student and devotee of my wife, I am astounded to find that this period of full-time contact and connection has revealed to me more about her that I did not yet know. This seems impossible to me, yet it is so, to my great delight.

 

Truly she is the horn of plenty, abundant with blessings ceaseless and astounding.

 

 

***

What I know is that the path the other mystics tread is not my path. My path has not yet been tread. I will yet tread it. I tread it now and I will go unto its completion.

I am already something vast and terrible to behold. I am enamored of what is in all its gory particulars. I will go beyond all names. I will burn with a fire that illuminates all things.

 

Love.

 

Love is why I am tethered to this body, this mind. I am love’s servant and her warrior. I will lift her on my shoulders and carry her to the ends of the world and beyond.

There is not one of us who is forsaken. Know this and turn your face to the light.

 

***

Seriously, you should stop hanging out here. I’m not going back.

 

****

 

Namaste. Be that love you long for yourself. Love all of us like that.

 

 

***

 

everything I say here is a lie, but a kind of lie that points towards where the truth lives. so please, don’t believe me. but listen and look.

 

***

 

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