baseball-skull-copy

***

I drink too much and I eat too much bad food.

I am lazy.

I am self-cherishing.

I think I’m wonderful.

I think you should recognize me.

I resist change.

I resent things.

***

I should get rid of I.

***

I got this feeling right now of everywhere I look is the dharma. Mind manifesting as mind is inside me and mind manifesting as objects is outside of me and what’s looking in and what’s looking out is mind. I think I’m thinking something and the dharma is there asking me “who’s thinking what?” and I can’t find it. I think I’m looking at something and dharma asks, “who’s looking at what?” and there’s no answer.

The dharma looks at the dharma and asks the dharma questions the dharma can’t answer because there is no dharma.

I sit and look out at mind with mind. I sit and look into mind with mind. I follow the breath with mind and lose following the breath with mind. Mind comes inside the mind with the in breath and mind goes out into the mind with the out breath. I get up with mind and walk around in the display of mind, lose awareness of the mind inside the mind and outside the mind, with the mind.

Mind gets in a bad mood with mind because of the mind. Mind laughs at all this activity and then creates more. Mind seeks comfort in the mind and mind tortures the mind with mind.

Where am I in all of this. Where are you. You’re out there, in my mind. You’re in here, inside my mind with your mind, where I am. All the Buddhas and bodhisattvas are here and here are the hell realms and the hell beings, the hungry ghosts and the gods and the animals and there’s you that doesn’t exist with me that doesn’t exist, samsara and nirvana all dependent upon the endless, dazzling display of mind in mind.

Compassion is in here, kindness, too. Mind takes mind by the hand and leads it towards compassion, leads it towards wisdom, leads it towards equanimity, towards resting in its own nature.

***

What I imagine is this:

apophysis_mandala_by_sya-d4bsyl7

Okay that’s not what I imagine because it’s flat and it’s too ordered, so imagine that this image is a cross-section of a sphere and then twist the sphere in on itself a billion times and then expand it to encompass infinity in all directions and scales.

Dude i’m trippin.

***

What’s the point of all of this?

To be a basically good person. To be kind to myself and to others without making any distinction between us. To love in as big a way as possible. To do no harm. To bring an end to all suffering. To stick around and help for as long as help is needed.

***

That seems doable.

***

Here’s a conversation I had with Kaleb last night:

Kaleb: Why you’re policeman, Paw-paw? You fight those other boys? You scared them? They hurting you? You take away the bad mans?”

Tearful: “Yeah, I take away the bad mans. I help the good people.”

Kaleb: “You not scared thems?”

Tearful: “No. Paw-paw is brave.”

Kaleb: “I brave, too, Paw-Paw. I want be policemans.”

Tearful: “Well, if you are brave and good and want to help, you can be a policemans when you grow up.”

Kaleb: “I want be policemans. I be a T-Rex policemans.”

***

Namaste.

***

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