*
At the end of the month I will be going on retreat again. Last year I managed to attend six retreats, most of them two or three days and one nice long one of nine days. More than three weeks of retreat time altogether. This will be my first of the new year, although my last retreat kind of stretched over the new year so this will be my one and a halfth.
ha.
*
I would spend a lot of time in retreat if I could manage it. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to manage a traditional three year retreat, (although that idea certainly calls to me) but I think that making time a few times a year to remove yourself from the busyness of daily life and set aside some time dedicated only to practice, contemplation, and study is a good way to proceed. Lord knows I dedicate a few days a few times a year to study fighting and killing, so it seems only right to balance that a little bit. In fact I feel I need years and years of retreat to balance out the twenty years of cop work I’ve done. Luckily the power of even a short retreat is so great that I find I can undo years of damage relatively quickly. Perhaps undo is the wrong word, but something like it.
The real key, of course, is to turn each day into retreat. I get a good start on that with daily practice each morning. I get up while it’s still dark and do all my buddha stuff, prayers and meditation. To begin each day in the cold pre-dawn darkness, outside on my deck with a candle and a stick of incense and my stone buddha and my wool blanket and pray and sit as the world comes alive is a great, great blessing and it feels utterly holy to me. Not holy in a biblical, religious way, but holy in an immediate, physical, numinous way. It seems to nourish me in the way that cold water from a well quenches one’s thirst. It is the cells and molecules and atoms of my body that give thanks for it.
Then I try to keep that awareness with me throughout the day. It is helpful to have reminders and support for this, so I have a daily dharma text I follow and read a little something from each morning after I get ready for work. Then throughout the day I try to keep coming back to that state from the morning. I’m not well trained enough yet to maintain it ceaselessly throughout the day, I’m easily thrown from my mount- but I do try to keep getting on over and over again, and to make the stretches of mindless forgetting shorter and more infrequent.
And I close my day with dharma study and prayers, and a sitting session if conditions are supportive of it. And Sundays I go to my center and sit with my dharma brothers and sisters and receive a teaching from one of our wonderful teachers.
I feel blessed to have found my path and to have the support of the buddha, the dharma, and the sangha in helping me proceed.
*
I don’t believe that how we pray or what we study makes much of a difference ultimately. I mean, I think it does for me and I think I’ve found what I want to keep doing, but I mean, it is much more it seems to me about the making space for devotion, making space for the holy, attending to what moves you, what nourishes you, what makes you feel happy and contented and of benefit to others.
I think that’s something that I see in the community of friends here on the intertubes. All these glorious lunatics who do art, who love their broken families, who rage against the stupidity of the world, who look in on each other with love and concern that feels rare in the real world. It’s nice.
*
I hope that you find your retreat and make room for it in your life.
*
Namaste.
***
The Dishwasher's Tears 
Wonderful practice, Dharma brother. Don’t forget to dedicate this great merit.
Jewelmoon-
You, too? That’s wonderful indeed. And let’s go ahead and do just what you suggested-
Through this merit, may I attain true omniscience.
Then, having overcome all harmful, destructive forces,
may I liberate sentient beings from the ocean of existence
and its turbulent waves of birth, old age, sickness and death.
May the most precious mind of awakening
that has not yet dawned now arise.
Once arisen, may it never decline;
may it continue to increase evermore.
Thank you so much!
That’s a good one. Thank you! It’s the one thing His Holiness told me in a theater basement in Pasadena. Don’t dedicate to get a better job, money, or something for yourself. Dedicate merits that you reach enlightenment so that you help all other beings reach it too.
this is so beautiful to read about and hear. i am looking for a place to learn. am wondering how you found your teacher and select the retreats. i have really been enjoying your posts and thank you for returning to this page to share your experiences.
Mary Jane-
Looking for a place to learn is the first and most important step and I’m confident that you will find the right place. I found my center through Google and just went to the center closest to me. I liked it right away and sort of dove in with both feet. And I took most of my retreats through the center, when one of our teachers was having one I signed up and went. I also found another retreat by looking for a teacher I really loved- I watched her videos on Youtube and googled her schedule and when she came to California I took her retreat there. Once I got in at that place I went back a couple of times for other retreats there.
You hear it again and again that when the student is ready the teacher will appear. I think that is true, but you have to show that you are ready. You can’t just think to yourself, “Hey, I’m ready. Teacher, show up now!” I think that action is required, some deliberate act of putting yourself in the way of the teachings.
What I’ve done personally is to make it a point to just do whatever is in front of me. If there’s a teaching, I go. If there’s a retreat, I sign up and go. I volunteer. I read and watch teachings on line and then try to find more teachings from those teachers who speak to me in some way. And for me the experience has just been one of constant opening, constant deepening of the path.
One of my teachers told me recently that each act we make has real consequences, so we need to be careful. I have found that to be true especially in the dharma- it seems like the forces around the path are very strong, very vigorous, and it’s kind of like stepping into a swiftly moving stream. It might look tranquil on the surface, but once you’ve committed, once you’ve stepped into it, you’ll find yourself far downstream very quickly.
So I would encourage you to take a leap. Find a center near you and go. It doesn’t really matter what school or style or anything, you don’t need to decide anything at first. Just go. Go and listen, and be open. If it speaks to you, try it again. If not, try the next place on your list.
The important thing is to realize that it’s up to you. The dharma is here, it’s all around us, just waiting. It isn’t going to come get you, though. You have to go to it.
Feel free to email me if you have any questions or want any support or guidance. I’m at tearfuldishwasher@gmail.com.
Namaste, and thank you.
yrs-
Scott
These several recent posts have been very… well, I can’t quite think of the word I’d like. Something about generous and expansive, and simultaneously paring down to what is crucial and necessary. A lot of useful and appreciated reminders.
Thank you, I’m glad they’re speaking to you in some small way.
I don’t have much to say other than I’m — impressed. And inspired. Carry on and onward —
Elizabeth-
Nothing to be impressed about here, that’s for sure. But if I can inspire you a little bit, that’s wonderful and I’ll take it.
You and your family are in my prayers always. I admire your strength and grace and big heart tremendously.
yrs-
Scott
One of my oldest, dearest friends has been doing sitting practice for decades and it shows in his eyes, his body, his presence here on earth.
I am very glad that you have found this way for yourself. I think you are right- you are seeking balance and aren’t we all?
It comforts me to know that there are people who pray these prayers for all of us.
Thank you for being one.
I think that kind of practice does make a difference. I’m grateful beyond words to have found this path and to have come home to it.
I never thought I’d be the devotional type, but this work has wrought a great change in my heart and I find myself overflowing with devotion and love for this stupid world and all of us in it.
you especially.
yrs-
Scott