“Don’t confront me with my failures, I have not forgotten them.”
Today I went through all the cases I worked last year and closed out everything that had pled or gone through jury trial or been dismissed and I moved those cases down one big drawer and took the bottom cases from two years ago and put everything I didn’t have to keep in the big blue locked bin to be shredded. Over two hundred cases last year, more than that the year before. Name after name, crime after crime, and the faces flashed in my mind’s eye as I dumped them out, one after the other, in a seemingly endless stream.
More human misery in that four feet of files than you could account for.
My little thimbleful for the great ocean of samsara.
You forget how much shit you wade through in a year. You don’t look at it. You look at each case in particular with great intensity and focus, you know it better than anyone every will, even the people who went through it, cause you’ve got all of it, all that could be gotten, anyway.
But if you look up and see the big picture…I don’t know.
I guess you start to figure it really doesn’t matter much.
The pain is everywhere. My worries are nothing special.
Alleviate what pain you can. Start where you are.
Don’t look up.
Love is the rough engine of it all, this is my bedrock stance. Nor will I quit it.
I will spend myself in the cause of it.