*
Beyond here be dragons…
*
Yesterday I got my wife really mad at me. She has asked and asked and asked me not to get involved in cop shit when I’m off duty, and I have done it again and again and again and she don’t like it.
I don’t like it either.
Yesterday it was a big old car wreck down the street from where we live. The sound of it drew me out of the backyard, and as I stepped out into the street I could tell it was bad.
Next thing you know, I’m running down the street.
No goodbye.
No “Hey, baby, I’m gonna go see if they need help.”
No “Hey, baby, call 911. There’s been an accident.”
No, “Hey, baby, I’m gonna call 911, there’s been an accident.”
*
Just idiot me, running off.
*
So, I’m in the dog house now.
Deservedly so.
Like any idiot, I go in there trying to help the guy that got smashed, but then I see the other driver has run away and is hiding in the bushes by the river, so I go check out his truck and it’s full of empties, etc. I end up detaining the guy until the real cops show up, and directing traffic cause it’s in the middle of a blind curve at the bottom of a windy hill….
Last night I watched replays of it in my head and could see about a thousand different ways it could have got me killed and Yolie would have been at home not knowing where the fuck I was.
Sometimes I could just kick my own ass.
Like now.
*
Our daughter is home from her boarding school.
The fight is on.
It’s on like Donkey Kong.
*
Man, I start out mad at her. Then she treats Yolie like shit and I want to take her to task for that, she freaks out, I lose it, etc.
So right now Yolie is:
A. Mad at me.
B. Heartbroken over Emily.
C. Mad at Emily.
D. Mad at me for getting mad at Emily.
E. Mad at me for being SUCH AN ASS! (My attribution, not hers.)
*
The nice thing about a crime in progress is that I can go in and unfuck it and take the bad guy to jail and everybody goes off happy. Or at least getting what they deserve.
This real life family shit. I swear to god.
*
I try to remind myself that this is all par for the course.
Still, I wish I was a little better behaved. I’m like a goddamn dog with a bone, man. You throw up some crime shit in front of me and I’m off. Oooh. Oooh! Ooooh!
*
Grow up already, would I?
*
The Dishwasher's Tears 
grow up???!! hahahahaahaha!
You were just doing what you’re made to do, you know?
I agree with Lynn. Often these thigns are just reaction, not concious thought or defiance. If you didn’t go, you would have felt wrong. There must be middle ground in there somewhere right?
You are a control freak, sir. That makes me grin. I’m not sure why. Maybe because I hadn’t pegged you as such. But you are. Nanny nanny boo boo! Scott’s a control freak! (grin)I guess we all are to greater or lesser degrees. I just figured because you were all zenny that you weren’t. Hey, this mother/daughter/father/daughter stuff (notice I didn’t add husband/wife/child into the mix since I haven’t got a clue about that end of things) is a vicious cycle, buddy. I recall fervently hating my mother when I was your daughter’s age and worshipping the ground my father walked on until he gave me grief for hating her and then I hated him too. (grin!) And hey, they hated me because christ, I was such a bitch on wheels. Still am. (smile)So, hang in there. Someone, maybe Bette Davis, said: Old age ain’t for sissies. I think that saying also applies thusly:Marriage ain’t for sissies.Parenthood ain’t for sissies.Love, big, bad, unconditional, I love you so much I hate you sometimes love sure as hell ain’t for sissies.
I took my children to school, and had to deliever something so I took a different route instead of going home. A man was laying on the ground, someone was screaming, two other people were directing traffic, someone was doing the best they could do by giving CPR to the man on the ground…his face was purple, his body seemed empty.If I had been you I could have jumped out of my car and helped!! I pulled over, out of the way, and cried. I prayed, for this man, those helping, the ambulance i could hear in the far distance and for this persons family !!Sometimes we are called to do things, it is our gift that propels us to help when we can, you have a “call” it is something that responds in you without your permission. I would hope that if i were the man on the street dying, someone with your type of “call” responds naturally and not think about what his watch says.I don’t mean to go against your wife, i am not saying you are right or/and she is not, I am saying it is a call and that cannot be denied, but understood and accepted.
Without even reading the other posts I would say that you might be codependent in a way. It is so easy to fix other peoples problems when you think yours are hopeless. Your daughter is dialing 911 and your wife doesn’t know how… they both need your help.Eye
Hey hi,Where is you? You is missedD.
I love your ability to express things here in your journal… and your openess to your wife…. thoughts and feelings………Good luck with it all, and commendations for ‘feeling’!!!In some strange way, I find all this ‘sweet’ as it seems you all struggle for balance in this here dance we call life!!Nameste’!!RB
Hey, man, I miss you.You okay?
I’m gong through dishwasher withdrawal — even a pic would be nice?
Hi! Long time, no blog post. Hope everything is OK.
lots and lots o love will help this situation out a whole big lot. boarding school is tough enough and well, it takes a lot of love in this world, especially more so now. make some luck happen man!