Beyond here be dragons…


Yesterday I got my wife really mad at me. She has asked and asked and asked me not to get involved in cop shit when I’m off duty, and I have done it again and again and again and she don’t like it.

I don’t like it either.

Yesterday it was a big old car wreck down the street from where we live. The sound of it drew me out of the backyard, and as I stepped out into the street I could tell it was bad.

Next thing you know, I’m running down the street.

No goodbye.

No “Hey, baby, I’m gonna go see if they need help.”

No “Hey, baby, call 911. There’s been an accident.”

No, “Hey, baby, I’m gonna call 911, there’s been an accident.”


Just idiot me, running off.


So, I’m in the dog house now.

Deservedly so.

Like any idiot, I go in there trying to help the guy that got smashed, but then I see the other driver has run away and is hiding in the bushes by the river, so I go check out his truck and it’s full of empties, etc. I end up detaining the guy until the real cops show up, and directing traffic cause it’s in the middle of a blind curve at the bottom of a windy hill….

Last night I watched replays of it in my head and could see about a thousand different ways it could have got me killed and Yolie would have been at home not knowing where the fuck I was.

Sometimes I could just kick my own ass.

Like now.


Our daughter is home from her boarding school.

The fight is on.

It’s on like Donkey Kong.


Man, I start out mad at her. Then she treats Yolie like shit and I want to take her to task for that, she freaks out, I lose it, etc.

So right now Yolie is:

A. Mad at me.

B. Heartbroken over Emily.

C. Mad at Emily.

D. Mad at me for getting mad at Emily.

E. Mad at me for being SUCH AN ASS! (My attribution, not hers.)


The nice thing about a crime in progress is that I can go in and unfuck it and take the bad guy to jail and everybody goes off happy. Or at least getting what they deserve.

This real life family shit. I swear to god.


I try to remind myself that this is all par for the course.

Still, I wish I was a little better behaved. I’m like a goddamn dog with a bone, man. You throw up some crime shit in front of me and I’m off. Oooh. Oooh! Ooooh!


Grow up already, would I?