I can’t seem to get traction on my mood. I am happy about working again, but my wife tells me she has noticed a big change in me- uglier, eating badly, tense, moody, etc. And I feel it, too. I feel a darkness that seeps into me whenever I stop moving. I crave a drink all the time. I am unable to relax or to really be myself.

Unless this really is me.

*

When I am working the case, there is nothing I’d rather be doing. It is intoxicating, addictive.

When I can’t work, I jones for it.

Hmm….

*

Often I tell myself that what I am doing matters. It means something to somebody that I catch the guy that killed these women. It means something to me.

Just as often, I realize it doesn’t matter all that much after all.

*

I like Jack Gilbert and Alan Dugan alot and right now their mood suits mine just fine.

Cantankerous. Self-absorbed. A little infantile. Greedy. Demanding.

Looking for a good fight.

Stunned and light-headed with love for their women, for good food, and for light. Structure.

The bones of the world.

*

I want to clear this case.

*

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