So much going on right now that I feel things slipping. Work, especially. Slipping, that is. Yesterday was Em’s birthday, which went by in a blur of sweet energy. So many people came by or called to say hi and drop off a gift. Her best friend took her out to the Tea Cozy for tea and crustless sandwiches. She came back wearing a crown, draped in jewels, grinning sweetly…
The bittersweet edge to her growing up is accentuated by the fact that she leaves in a week to go to boarding school. A great school, a wonderful thing for her, but I’m doing a lot of walking around trying not to burst into tears.
My dad is in the hospital with an infection that has migrated to his bloodstream. He got hit with type one diabetes ten months ago and he’s been wrapped around the axle ever since. Can’t seem to get stablized, lots of medical errors, etc. He was down in LA for a District Attorney’s convention last week when he went sideways and got rushed to the hospital down there. Checked himself out a day later, came home, went back into the hospital. He’s supposed to be on IV fluids and antibiotics. After seven hours there, the nurse checked his IV bag, said “Hmm….I wonder why that’s not going down?” and then undid the clamp that was holding the line shut…. Dad’s supposed to retire in a couple of months and we’re all fighting with him trying to get him to quit going in, you know, just put in a cursory appearance every few days, but quit ‘working’…he’s not the kind of guy who can do that. Although this hospitalization has his attention. Maybe he’ll start to listen now.
Drama of other sorts swirling around us, friends in marital hell, family strife….I’m taking a couple of classes this semester, and trying to make it to class three nights a week, although they’re fun classes, is hard to do…mostly I feel like I’m barely there at work. Cases piling up again, things being left undone…
On the deepest level, I’m fine and none of this touches me. On all the other levels, I’m a nervous poodle.
This is all just very normal stuff. Life doing its thang. I mean, shit, I’ve got running water. Power. A car. Some money in the bank. A house.
An embarrasment of riches.
And yet I fuss and whine.
I need to crack myself open, let in some light…..